Unschooling...

It is not something that we do to our children but a process of unlearning for us parents. Most of us are products of the school system which convinced us that learning only happens when people with power over us - teachers - force, coerce or otherwise "motivate" us to absorb information that people with power over teachers - education experts - decided that we should know. We were trained to doubt our own power to figure out how the world works and find our place in it.

A great teacher never strives to explain her vision; she simply invites you to stand beside her and see for yourself.

- Satish Kumar

We were all born with a drive to learn that is more compelling than almost any other instinct.
If we step back from the power struggles we can be allies with our children in learning, solving problems and creating what John Holt called "a life worth living and work worth doing."
Unschooling is deprogramming, healing, regenerating.
It is remembering to relax and trust our own and our children's innate ability to choose ideas and activities that promote lifelong learning and growth.

- Luz Shosie

How Does Unschooling Work?

Lives of the unschooled vary with each person, each family. Unschooling can cost nothing or cost a million bucks. Unschooling at its most fundamental is child-led learning, based upon the child's interests, developmental readiness, motivation and abilities and nurtured by parents and the community, their environment, geography, curiosity, and each nurturing participant's skills, talents and enthusiasm for life. Each hour or each day may be different for the unschooled child or structured if the child thrives on elements of routine. There is no formula for unschooling how-to; the process of listening, communicating, sharing ideas, exposure to people, places and events begins to set the course for the directions an unschooled child will desire his life to go. Unschooling is a diverse and organic process of discovering the world and one's place in it, all on the child's terms.

Everything from sleeping/awake patterns, meal times, food preferences, the extent to which she desires socialization, his interest in reading, writing, playing, daydreaming, cleaning, traveling, inventing, creating, etc. etc. now falls into the empowered realm of the unschooled child, all occurring or not as a function of the big wide world of internal and external stimulation which enters his world constantly. Whether the unschooled child spends hours behind a book, a calculator, a computer, video games, playing fantasy games with friends or alone, all is determined by the unschooled child and nurtured by those who care for and about her.


How to Begin Unschooling

Watch your child and look for queues that tell you she is interested or ready for something.

Fill your home with resources that excite your child: the list will be different for each child. Inexpensive materials can be had through store sales, thrift stores, hand-me downs, gifts, garage sales. Many materials can be hand-made and books on how to make them available through your library or interlibrary loan.

Teach yourself to be resourceful in ways that foster your child's curiosities. If your child is bored with the local parks, find new parks in new communities. If your child wants more pets but you are at your pet limit, find others who can give him the exposure to animals he is looking for: farms, pet stores, zoos, rehabilitation organizations, pet sitting, etc.

Don't follow any compulsion you feel for purchasing school books unless your child asks for them. When she asks for them, buy or borrow them! Just because a child wants school books or college or structure does not mean that unschooling is not taking place. Remember that unschooling is simply child-led learning. When she loses interest in the books, put them aside.

Talk to your child about everything under the sun that is of interest to him - there are no limits to what they should or should not know; your child will make it clear to you how much information he needs at any given time. Subscribe to magazines and buy/borrow books that follow your child's interests, rent/buy DVDs, venture out and find people who can foster your child's interests and curiosities. It's OK to not have all the answers and in fact, a valuable learning experience for both of you. Tell your child honestly when you don't know a thing or have never thought about what he is talking about or asking for. Brainstorm together on how you find out what you want or need to know.

Stop telling your child what to do. If a thing must be done, such as brushing one's teeth or leaving the house to shop, etc. and your child does not want to do it, treat him the way you would like to have someone treat you in similar circumstances: sometimes being straightforward and rational and honest is most effective, sometimes turning it into play works. Respectful communication and your child's critical need to trust what you tell him will allow each of you to want to help meet each other's needs and enjoy doing it.

Don't worry about how much time your child spends in play - developmental experts agree that a huge amounts of play is critical to their development of intelligence. Some experts believe that play should be all we do, whether we are "working" or not.

Play dates and times should always be set by the child, not the parent. If you cannot accommodate your child's wish to have a friend spend as much time at your house as you believe is possible, for example, help your child figure out how she can meet her needs in other ways.

Encourage your child to spend their time in ways that bring them feelings of joy and contentment. Do not put yourself in the position of being an enforcer of all that your fear and experience tell you she should be doing with her time. Bribery, coercion, punishment and rewards do not work and only make your life more stressful and difficult. Never use time-out. Discipline is never useful or productive - self-discipline is the only discipline that works and is achieved on each child's own timetable.

Recognize how important role-modeling is: what your child sees you do every day, what he hears you say about yourself and others, how you treat yourself and others are the most important things your child will pay attention to , learn from, and pattern. There are no short-cuts or tricks here. You must learn to be a true model of your ideal. Once you have achieved a good measure of living up to your own expectations, don't expect your child to follow suit. For example, if he sees you working hard every day doing the things you love to do, he very well may have no interest in the same things you do, but rather will learn that he wants to spend his time doing the things he loves to do.

When tempted to share with your child how fearful you are that they will not learn all that you believe they should learn, write it down instead. Keep notes on your feelings, observations, ideas and compare them from time to time. Find others to talk to about your fears. Unschool support groups are great resources, as are books, magazines, email lists, websites, etc. With your child, focus instead on what they ARE interested in. When your unschooled child spends all his time in a math book, don't talk to him about how he should be reading instead. If he wants to play video games all day, get him more video games. When the interest is fostered unconditionally, any contrary or rebellious motive for behavior will fall to the wayside and allow true interests to develop.

Unschooling results in rich, creative and powerful lives on each person's terms. Living in community, whether its with a family, an extended family, a town or the big world, with respect for each person's need to understand themselves and be true to their unique and ever-changing desires allows each person to honor those values in each other. Unschooling does not result in out-of-control chaos: it results in communities of people who listen to each other, respect each other's wishes and desires, supporting the community's commonly agreed upon goals. How will your unschooling community evolve?


Check out Maria Whitworth's 'Top 10 things my children taught me... or how to ensure a LONG and STRONG relationship with your kids